I wrote this song for my husband, Joel, and daughter, Jessica. It was actually a Valentine’s gift a few years ago. We had survived our first year of knowing I had ADHD which was why we were…..uh, let’s just say, when it came to communicating with each other we were “having troubles,” as Jessica use to say when she was a wee person. (Not Wii, wee)
In fact, the first verse is written from my daughters perspective and the second verse is written from my husband’s perspective. Dealing with ADHD is difficult. Living family life with a member with ADHD really can be very difficult. Yet, sometimes it can provide a family with some wacky or fun moments too! Seriously, the spectrum is that wide of a range!
Now, you can’t ignore the challenges that come with ADHD but you also don’t have to sit and stew in them, either, singing your woes. There are two things I strongly recommend, instead:
First, celebrate the colorful dynamics that come with ADHD. Kind of like a magnifying glass, ADHD magnifies not just the challenges but beautifully magnifies the gifts that each person has been blessed with. Focusing on these things helps you remember you are valuable and you bring something special to the world.
Second, you just gotta laugh at some of the silly predicaments you get yourself and/or your family into. One example of that is this dilemma that happened twice! I have one of those Betty Crocker Cookbooks that everyone seems to get when they get married. Well, mine is no longer a cook book but a “cooked book”! Twice I have managed to lay the book down on the stove and then accidentally turn on the wrong burner. Yep, the back of that book has been nicely branded with that unique spiral that can only come from an electric burner. (Good thing it didn’t happen when we had a gas burner, eh?!)
I can’t help but smile whenever I interact with that book!
(Stay tuned for part deux coming soon to a website near you!)
While waiting for part deux you may want to click on support info and check out the excellent ADHD books listed. They are some of the best to read whether you are single, married, or have kids. The books are written for adults and kids.
So, what’s your story? Do you deal with ADHD challenges? Do you also “cook” your cook books?
Showers, for some reason, tend to be a place where we believe we are “in our own world.” For many people, the shower is the one and only place where you can overhear them singing. I don’t know why that is. It’s not like the shower stall is somehow sound proof, but we often behave as if it is. It’s kind of funny, really.
Maybe it’s because we are already stripped away of everything else, that we might as well follow through with what’s natural. So we sing out loud, strong and clear, buck naked! (more…)
This is a song I wrote for my sister, Catherine, and her husband, FJ, for their wedding day (Catherine & FJ Abaya). At the time I had to sing it acapella because my hands still hurt so much. This made me very nervous, but after singing acapella on the cruise ship, I was determined to do it! I hoped it would be a blessings for their ceremony, as well as a chance for me to pray out loud my hope for their life together.
When it came time to record this song I was ecstatic to surprise them with me accompanying myself on the guitar.
This song underlines the importance of having God woven into your marriage, “three cords combined.” Life can provide you with joyful times but also many challenges and disappointments. Sometimes circumstances around you can get so bad that it can use up everything you’ve got! When two people who love each other are both dealing with their own difficult situations at the same time it can get really rocky. God can be that third cord to keep you strong and keep from breaking apart.
If you ever find yourself wondering who it is you are living with and even questioning whether you like them.
You are just normal!
We all unknowingly bring so much of our past experiences into our lives that we don’t always see the other for who they are but either who they remind us of or even who we wish they would be. It’s important to stop and recognize this.
We need to get our heads wrapped around the fact that we are all broken doing the best we can with the tools we were given.
It’s also important to be open to the fact that we could learn more through counseling.
Counseling has been a helpful tool we have referred to off and on throughout our marriage. It’s part of the reason we have made it this far.
I encourage you to embrace your spouse and the fact that you are both imperfect and can still learn and grown no matter how long you have been married.
Ultimately though, welcome God into your marriage every day. He can give us compassionate ears that can listen to our spouse when we really don’t want to. He can give us self control when all we want to do is scream about our own boss, or our own relational situations. It is purely by the strength of God that we can have what it takes to care for each other in the midst of our own stuff.
Seriously, let God give you what you need to be there for each other. Don’t turn your pain into a competition, where you compare who has the worst situation. Everyone’s feelings count. We normally know this but when we are hurting it’s hard to think clearly. Remember you are a team. You two are one, but you don’t need to do it alone! Praise God!!
Can you relate? What are some tips that have been helpful in your marriage?
“I may be unstrung but I’m not undone. I’m praising the Lord and I’m having fun!”
Unstrung by Pain
I wrote this song during a 5 year period of time when I was unable to play my guitar due to chronic pain in my hands. This was a very difficult time for me. Not only did it feel like I had lost a part of me (I had played the guitar since I was 8 years old), but the never-ending pain soaked up all my energy.
Becoming more and more depressed about life, I finally decided to write an acapella song. I needed to feel empowered to sing a song on my own without any instruments required. In my Orcadians Choir and Chansons Jazz Choir, at Shorecrest High school (Go Scots!!), I learned how to sing many acapella songs and knew I could do it. So, I wrote this song as a gift for myself to lift my spirits up when the pain in my hands would bring me down.
In the past the guitar had become my way of communicating my feelings. Without the guitar, but with a friend, I was able to discover that I could be very musical through writing and singing songs. The inability to play guitar forced me to stretch and discover my song writing skills. After 5 years of writing songs without the guitar, my husband encouraged me to try playing again just a little bit to see how it would go.
At first I was resistant because I didn’t think I could survive the disappointment if I couldn’t play. However, the desire to play again ran so deep within, I just had to give it a try! After a few minutes of playing–and then a few minutes more–I just about fell over. It seemed that there was a chance I could play again! Over time I gradually built up my little hand muscles enough to be able to play multiple songs again. Now I can play for a couple hours!
Restrung by Hope
I am so grateful to all those who prayed for me over the years when I had run out of hope, myself. Sometimes we need to keep hope alive for others until they are able to hope again! My story reminds me of the paralyzed man whose friends lowered him through the roof down to Jesus so he could be healed. My friends and family raised my prayers up to God continuously for me when I couldn’t.
Even though my hands are not fully recovered I am incredibly grateful! I have been given a second chance to do my favorite thing – accompany myself on the guitar while singing for myself and others.
The most important things I learned from this experience is, be grateful for each day and that no matter how bad things get it isn’t necessarily the end of the story!
Have you ever experienced having something very important “taken away” from you? Have you ever got to the point of feeling hopeless? Did you share your burden with someone else so they could help you? How did it go? Are you still hanging on?
Add to the conversation below. We’ll be glad you did.
“Wave of Grace” is based on my memories of Joel and I taking Jessica to the ocean for the first time. She was only 18 months old. It was such an exciting day of discovery for her! She had spent so much time either in our house or my office at the church (I was doing Youth Ministry at a church full-time) that we hadn’t actually bought her official shoes yet, just cute slippers with animals on them. In spite of her tootsies getting a little damp she waddled with all her might along the edge of the sea. She really kept us on our toes!!
After a while, she reached down and “discovered” sand. She quickly learned that wet sand sticks to your hand. She got so frustrated when she let go of the sand, but it would not let go of her! Jessica shook her hand and expressed her thoughts on the matter, grumpy that her efforts to be sand-free were so unsuccessful. Joel or I would then help her clean off all the sand. Relieved that she was free of the sand, she would immediately plunge her hand back into the wet sand! Once again, Jessica was appalled that the sand would have the audacity to stick to her hand again! Had she not made it clear that she did not appreciate this outcome!?
Grace In The Grit
I can’t help but think there must be some kind of similarity between us watching our children and God watching us choose to do things a certain way over and over and getting frustrated when we get the same results each time.
In daily life, it is so easy for me just to fall back into old habits, doing things the same way over and over but expecting a different outcome.
God wants so much good for us and yet gave us the freedom of choice, so if we don’t want the good, He has to offer we are free to reject it. That’s got to be hard when He can see so many wonderful possibilities for us…His waves of grace!
Being a Mom, I have learned that wanting the best for my daughter is not completely in my control. Sometimes cost gets in the way. Or situations. But even when I can provide her with opportunities, I can’t make her embrace them. All I can do is encourage her to be open to the experience and hope that she will choose to be positive.
I have my own times when I am open to what God wants for me and other times that I have no interest in trying something new or viewing a change more positively.
How about you? Do you try to be open to God’s direction or changes in life that come your way? Do you demand to be the one making the shots? If maybe a little of both, why?
Add to the conversation. We’ll be glad you did [leave us a note by leaving your comment below].