My heart pounds harder and harder, threatening to jump out of my chest. A salty bead of sweat runs down my forehead into my eyes.
“Ow! Now, why is it that I wanted to do this, again? And on my vacation?” I ask myself while struggling to find the next handhold while clinging onto the side of a cliff at Smith Rocks, Oregon. My husband, Joel is belaying, below on the ground, holding onto the other end of my rope. He’s yelling words of support while keeping me from falling to my death. (more…)
A few years ago I learned that I have ADHD. There are many different types of ADHD, so they don’t all look the same. My flavor is one that is often overlooked. Some describe it as the quiet, good girl version, however, boys often have this version of it too. I was one of those kids who either day-dreamed much of the time or was distracted by the movements and quiet interactions in the classroom.
Unfortunately, what also can come with that is a quiet lonely internal battle with anxiety. Looking back I can now recognize anxiety in my childhood mannerisms. I chewed my fingernails something fierce and often the inside of my lips. When watching TV my mom more than once had to gently encourage my hands to open up from clenched fists.
As an adult, I felt like this monster was slowly taking me over, kind of like “The Blob”, one of my daughters favorite old movie villains. I always had this underlying feeling of being uptight, but when I made mistakes my anxiety would increase exponentially!
New Forest, New Squirrels
Moving to Boise definitely pushed my anxiety level up a few notches. We had been living in a small town, Yakima, in Washington state, for 10 plus years. It was very easy to get around and family was not too far away in any direction. My mother-in-law lived about 7 houses down so I had her support whenever I needed it. Moving far away from everything familiar and everyone I knew shook me up. To magnify matters, Boise was at least 3 times bigger than Yakima! Yikes!
It was during Boise’s school system’s spring break that we moved. Within days of moving I had to take my precious little first grader to a brand new school filled with strangers…and then I was supposed to leave her there for the whole day!
When my anxiety would completely wear me out, then I would suffer from depression and loneliness. This was a really dark time.
Before I came to understand that ADHD was the source of my troubles, I wrote a song to try to help quiet me down. I would go for walks in the morning along the river and I would sing it to myself. Some days it helped more than others. At least for the period of time that I was walking and singing, I would eventually feel a little calmer.
I hope this song brings comfort to you as you listen to it.
Engage here. Do you ever struggle with anxiety? Is ADHD part of your life? What do you do to calm yourself down? Do you need help addressing this issue in your life?
Add to the conversation. We’ll be glad you did! Invite a friend to Prepare For Rain today!