Writing this song was a very therapeutic experience for me. It allowed me to express myself when there really was no other way to do it. I had been putting off really looking this pain in the face for close to a year but finally sat down and allowed myself to put on paper words that had been swimming around my head for way too long.
Relationships are complicated. Period. But many things play a part in that, some internal dynamics and some external and sometimes both.
Several years ago, I experienced a time that I believe was caused by both. The end result of an event left me feeling very alone. Up to that point I felt I had found friends that were closer than even family.
However when that event took place several friends just checked out. One person even told me, “Don’t tell me what happened because I don’t want to have to make changes to my life.”
But one friend went out of her way to talk about the issue several times. We then just agreed that things were different but that our relationship would carry on. So we made time to continue our relationship. We moved forward with the understanding that our relationship was one built not on just convenience but commitment.
Her gesture meant the world to me and we are still good friends even though she has since moved away.
I guess one of the pluses with family conflict is that you are permanently connected either by blood or marriage so you often are put in a position of having to, at least internally, revisit why you are in conflict. You have to re-decide if the topic is really that big a deal or not. Sometimes it is a big deal and you have to come up with a creative way to be around that individual as little as possible. But other times you can decide to move past it.
A counselor friend of mine shared with me something insightful. She said that we all have our own Social Skills Toolbox. Some people have more tools inside than others. These tools are normally given to us growing up or even in counseling. We use our tools within our relationships to understand each other and be able to see things from each others perspectives.
However, sometimes relationships come to a crossroads. This happens when one of the parties has tools to deal with the situation that the other doesn’t. The end result being that the one minus the tools disengages from the relationship.
Painful but true.
An interesting thing happened the week after I wrote this song. A second friend of mine contacted me and said, “Hey I want you back in my life.” I couldn’t help notice that I felt ready to move forward.
Spending time writing this song and reflecting on the situation gave me the tools I needed to reach a resolution with that person. The changes in some of my relationships may not be something I will ever understand because the reasons may be much more complicated than I can comprehend now. But who knows…Maybe Someday.
Have you ever had an event impact an important friendship in your life? How did it go? Are you friends now?
Add to the conversation. We’ll be glad you did.
Click here for the “Maybe Someday” video: http://vimeo.com/75275423
photo credit: Stuart Dootson via photopin cc